Today might be the first day of summer vacations for all the Indian husbands while at the same time, it’s the first day of hot and dry summer for the Indian wives. I am talking about of course the yearly national spectacle – the IPL. The first time I opened my Facebook today, I was flooded with the various teams, the changes in the profile pictures, the adds, the news, the celebrity pictures and what not. I wanted to scream from the bottom of my stomach – guys, I care a damn about this. Yet the kind of hoopla and hype about this extravagant, flashy event is out there for all to see, IN YOUR FACE. It was frustrating.
Firstly, let me be clear – I absolutely don’t have anything against the IPL event as such. If people decide to make a circus out of cricket, throw in some Bollywood, fashion, blonde chicks dancing on bhangra, celebrities and parties to it, spend humungous amounts of money, resources, water and energy to make it a success and the men want to be foolish and waste their hard owned money and time on four hours of absolute paranoia every day, then it is their choice. Please go ahead.
It is when this hyper obsession with the event gets inside your house and interferes with its harmony and normal functioning – I have a problem. I, basically, could not understand the original motivation behind starting an interstate, completely commercial cricket tournament, when we already had the test matches, the numerous one day series, one day world cup, t20 world cup and what not. If there is a national match, one can at least have a loyalty to your country, cheer for it and enjoy the spirit. But what can we say about a perpetually bored and lazy husband who belongs to none of the 9-10 playing state teams and yet he gets all excited and worked up just watching an average match between two abysmal teams ???
The diehard cricket fans argue that it’s cricket as sport which we enjoy, the style, the craft and the talent. What bullshit?? Any Paanchvi Paas person can tell that there is nothing other than “tamasha” in it. So apart from the obvious, there are some of the below very irritating and unfortunately true reasons why I have a problem with getting involved in this entire IPL frenzy like the men of the house.
- It is not a sport anymore – FOR GOD’S SAKE. It is just a big blown out “Tamasha”
- It makes the men forget that they have a family.
- The dancing chicks are not at all beautiful, they are obscene.
- It makes the veterans of cricket like Sunil Gavaskar and Kapil Dev to stoop so low as to dance on Bhangra.
- The female commentators miserably fail to impress with their knowledge about the cricket ball and it is pointless if they impress with any other ball (pun intended).
- It briefly blocks all the sounds, signals, instructions and even some oxygen going to the husband’s mind (especially during the last couple of overs)
- There is no access to soap operas, films, music, news in the evening for two long months (honestly, TWO MONTHS ??? )
- The days are spent in hangover of the last night’s match.
- Meaningful conversations and communication with the men goes for a hibernation.
- Weekends, holidays, festivals, birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions are NON EXISTANT.
- It is one of the silliest reason to get drunk.
- The constant shouting and buzzing sound of the audience makes it impossible to think.
- Some of the most good looking, sexy and appealing cricketers are reduced to looking like mere jokers. What happened to the rugged and dignified charm of MSD ??
- The living room is converted into a mix of bedroom plus dining plus cricket ground.
- It makes a cricket expert out of the dhobi, the cook, the driver, the milk man, the roadside pani puri vendor and everyone is so damn sure about his own analysis of the situation.
- The theme music and songs are all disgusting. Dil jumping jhapak jumpak jumpak !!!! PULLEEESSZZZ
- Its an unwritten rule that the routine household chores, shopping, cleaning has to be done by the women.
- The cricket ground resembles a collage of sponsors logos and brands
- The opening ceremonies are worse than a show of C grade circus
- Finally, it is definitely not passion or excitement for the sport, ITS PURE HYSTERIA without a valid cause and reason.